From aae58f414b4c9d0a16cc4ee9ac9f21b5dbc09ddf Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Devlin Mallory Date: Tue, 23 Dec 2014 12:04:53 -0800 Subject: [PATCH] improved examples MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit I made the first example one in which the distinction between getting up and waking up is important, and I made the second example one in which the word “perhaps” actually weakens the point instead of giving a numeric fuzz factor. These are not super captivating examples, but hopefully illustrate my problem with the prior examples. --- README.markdown | 8 ++++---- 1 file changed, 4 insertions(+), 4 deletions(-) diff --git a/README.markdown b/README.markdown index 2fcc4cb..e18213f 100644 --- a/README.markdown +++ b/README.markdown @@ -143,13 +143,13 @@ We sabotage our writing though weak language, kicking the legs out from beneath our verbs and tearing at the foundations of our nouns, watering down the very points that we are trying to drive home. -* “I _got_ up and _went_ to work.” (weak) -* “I awoke and walked to work.” (better) +* “I _got_ up at precisely 8 AM.” (weak) +* “I woke up at precisely 8 AM.” (better) We diminish the weight of our ideas by adding modifiers and fillers. -* “The regiment _that_ took the hill was _perhaps_ a hundred strong.” (weak) -* “Despite heavy losses, the regiment took the hill.” (better) +* “That night was _perhaps_ the most important moment of my life, and I don't _think_ I'll ever forget it.” (weak) +* “That night was the most important moment of my life, and I'll never forget it.” (better) Words can also be weakened through overuse.